It’s ok to feel sad and happy at the same time

During a recent conversation, a friend asked me if I'd consider using the word "and" instead of "but" in my speech.  With the switch of a word, I’ve begun to feel liberated.

After experiencing the stillbirth of my first born child (Adeline), I learned to see the world from a new perspective, one of deep sorrow and saddness like I’d never experienced before.

Through therapy I began to understand my grief was also my love and it would stay with me for the rest of my life.

That scared me a little because at my core, I am a happy and optimistic person. After losing Adeline I struggled because it felt strange, almost wrong, to continue to be a happy person. I'd constantly be asking myself, "Is it ok to be happy? Can I still be happy person even if I lost a daughter?"

What I’ve learned is we have opposing forces in the world and to be fully human is not to only experience the happy, joyful moments.

Being fully human means embracing ALL that life has to offer. Don’t turn away from the sadness, grief, pain, hurt, anger because they are all a part of living this full human life.

After Adelines stillbirth I had a desire to "move forward" and yet a need to stay with my grief. Sitting with my grief felt like sitting with Adeline. The only way I could find her was to be with my grief, so I didn't want to move out of it or to move past it. She was in the grief.

So which is it? Do I live in a cloud of grief or be happy?

Why should I have to choose?  

Why can't it be “AND” instead of one or the other? 

Can I be a happy person AND live with grief? 

Can I move forward AND stay with the grief? 

Allowing for and the acceptance of the joining of forces has created more space in my life.  I am fully human, I can hold space for the pain and joy simultaneously.

This simple shift has helped ease anxiety because I’m no longer trying to be one way or another.

I just am the full expression of myself, which now includes deep sorrow and happiness.

I feel more natural flow of choice instead of feeling like I'm backed up against a corner and need to be one way other another.

I feel like I'm in an open field and I am free to roam in whichever direction my heart leads.  

What opposites are you trying to hold in your life? Let me know in the comments below.