I Used to Teach SMART Goals—Now I Set Intentions Instead

I hate goals. There—I said it.

For years, I lived in a world obsessed with them. I spent most of my career in corporate America teaching SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-Bound) and performance management frameworks. I could recite metrics and timelines like a second language. And I did what we were told to do: set the goal, push through, make it happen.

But in my real-life experience? Goals never really worked for me. In fact, they made me feel worse about myself. Maybe you’ve felt that too—like life keeps interrupting your best intentions, and suddenly you're left feeling behind or like you've failed.

This post isn’t just about goals—it’s about rewriting the way we think about progress in this messy and uncertain life.

It’s about stepping out of the pressure to perform and into a more human, flexible approach to growth. You’ll walk away with a framework that meets you where you are and evolves with you—offering clarity, relief, and the freedom to grow in ways that feel real and right for your life.

If you’ve ever felt the same—like setting goals only sets you up for disappointment—this post is for you.

Goals Didn’t Work—And They Made Me Feel Like a Failure

Every time I set a goal, something in my life would completely derail it (and I’m not talking little stuff):

• I started training to run a half marathon—and then my husband asked for a divorce.

• I finally found the man of my dreams and got pregnant—our baby was stillborn, and my dad passed away in a six-week period.

• I tried to have another child—faced years of infertility treatments.

• I landed a new job after a layoff—two weeks later, the world shut down from COVID, and I was home with an 18-month-old.

• I desperately wanted to start my business—then my stepdaughter’s mom passed away, she moved in, and my father-in-law died—all in a six-month period.

It wasn’t just one thing. It was a pattern. And each time, I didn’t meet the goal. Which, according to everything I’d been taught, meant I had failed.

We live in a culture that glorifies the push. Success, we’re told, is found in "powering through" no matter what. So I’d internalize it. I’d beat myself up for not meeting my goals or staying on track. And eventually, I just stopped creating goals.

But what if the problem wasn’t me? What if it was the system?

Releasing the Pressure

At some point, I realized goals are built on a dangerous assumption: that life will go smoothly and according to plan.

And I don’t know about you, but that feels more unrealistic than ever.

Goals tend to be rigid. Outcome-focused. Built for control—not connection. They create pressure, urgency, and shame when things shift (as they always do). And they leave no room for the complexity of being human.

I didn’t need more discipline. I needed more grace. One that left room for the whole human experience—grief, joy, uncertainty, and growth.

One that let me participate as a co-creator in my life, rather than perform for it.

What I Do Now: Intentions Instead of Goals

So I stopped setting goals. And for a long time, I didn’t have much to replace them.

Until I found intentions.

Intentions are:

• An expression of how you want to feel

• A guide for what you want to engage in to support that feeling

Intentions are not tied to outcomes. They’re stated in the present tense—so you can live into them, rather than chase them.

Here’s an example: Goal: "Run a half-marathon this year."
What happens if life intervenes—if your spouse asks for a divorce (that’s exactly what happened to me) or a loved one gets sick and your attention shifts? You forgo your goal and feel like a failure. Again.

Sure, you can push through the struggle and still reach your goals. Or you can adjust the goal’s timeline. But at what price? Are you emotionally exhausted, still trying to run that marathon just because you said you would? Do you feel disappointed because you didn’t accomplish the goal as it was originally intended?

What if we approached the whole thing with a different lens?

What is the feeling you’re trying to reach by running the half-marathon? Is it to feel physically strong? To feel accomplished? To prove that you can follow through?

Let’s say your answer is: I want to feel physically strong.

Set an intention: Listen to my body and engage in meaningful exercise. Invest my time, energy, and resources into understanding what physical strength means to me and how to build it for my body.

Now what happens if life intervenes—if I lose my job or a loved one needs care?

With an intention, I can keep showing up for connection in whatever form life allows.

If a loved one gets cancer (which has now happened to me three times), then my intention doesn’t change—it’s held within the container of my current reality. What does being strong mean to me now?

Intentions are like little seeds planted in the soil of life. They grow in rhythm with the seasons—not on a forced timeline. Like when I decided to do bedtime yoga for 10 minutes at home in my pajamas—months after losing my daughter. Not to “work out,” but to move my body in a way that felt gentle and supportive.

Intentions don’t demand that you dominate your life—they invite you to be in relationship with it.

What This Looks Like In Real Life

Intentions aren’t passive. They require care and attention. But they don’t demand perfection. They allow space and breathing room for real life to happen around them and within them.

When I stopped trying to control outcomes and started aligning with how I wanted to feel, things shifted.

I became more present. More open. Less attached to how things “should” look.

I’ve still had seasons of grief, messiness, and curveballs—and I still grow.

I’m no longer measuring myself against an unrealistic standard. I’m living into what matters most to me. And it feels like freedom.

A Gentle Invitation

If goals make you feel like you’re always behind—like you’re failing at life—you’re not.

You’re just ready for a different way.

You can still grow, evolve, and expand. You can still do brave things. You just don’t have to do it through force and rigid outcomes.

Ask yourself:

How do I want to feel this season—and what intention could help me support that feeling?

Let it be soft. Let it be real. Let it be yours.

It’s moments like these when I realize: it’s not just about hating goals—it’s about needing a whole new way to relate to progress, energy, and self-worth. That’s exactly what my ebook 5 Gentle Ways to Break Free from Autopilot is here to help you do. It offers a grounded path out of the pressure to achieve and into a rhythm that honors how you actually want to live and feel.

If you’re ready to trade hustle for presence—and goals for something softer—this free guide is a beautiful place to begin.